johnsu01 (johnsu01) wrote,

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Super Bowl Breaking News

HOUSTON,TX Speculation by league official Paul Taggedmeaboob that the Carolina Panthers's place kicker threw the game by kicking the ball out of bounds, giving the Patriots the field position they needed to reach field goal range in the closing moments of the fourth quarter, has been drowned out by a a new series of rumors surrounding a more vile and disturbing plot.

Many fans might have noticed a repeated gesture made by Carolina Panthers players and coaches during the first half. At various moments in the game when they were on camera, they thumped their chest with their right fist. At the time, this was interpreted by sportscaster and rocket scientist Phil Simms as "showing heart".

FCC authorities, though, are now reporting that this gesture may in fact be linked to the tragedy that occurred at halftime, the tragedy that has torn families and friends apart---the display of a frontal-nudity-related-program by queen of pop and sister of child molestor Janet Jackson.

"We now have reason to believe that this...gesture...was actually a signal to Justin Timberlake, an equivalent of a 'thumbs up'. Our work with the videotapes released by Osama Bin Laden as communiques to his terrorist thugs around the world has caused us to be especially attuned to these types of messages," said US Homeland Security czar Tom Ridge.

The incident is under investigation. In the meantime, the terror alert level has been raised to "Boobie". The FBI recommends avoiding TV monitors that may be showing replays of the incident, and not trusting anybody.
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